Musings of the Last few Weeks

What a Jeremy Hunt

I don’t know how many of you heard the prat of a health secretary Jeremy Hnt being interviewed about the proposed roll out of the much criticised 111 health help-line service. You’d be tempted to call it pure comedy gold if only it didn’t mean that more people will suffer and die due to the bungling incompetence.

The 111 service is the new health help line service for non-emergencies and , it will be provisioned by loads of different providers in different areas and will replace the national NHS direct helpline. So far it’s been a complete fiasco and led to people in the areas it’s been trialed in flocking to A&E instead.

The buffoonish Hunt was asked by the interviewer about the 111 service and he said we wanted a new service with a number that everyone could remember like 999 but not 999 because it wasn’t an emergency and the interviewer then asked.

“Couldn’t you just have changed the number for NHS direct to 111″

Deadly silence .. the sound of tumbleweed blowing across a deserted street – and even though it was radio you knew Hunt was staring at the interviewer there with his Forest Gump simpleton grin wondering how do I get out here, is there a tree I can go and hide behind.

A Goat As A Present

A mate of mine’s wife is a bit of a hippy and for his birthday last week she bought him a card with a picture of a goat on that she’d bought on his behalf for some family in the third world. He tried to put a brave face on it , but I had to tell him that I do find it sanctimonious, smug and narcissistic. Like his Mrs was saying ‘my gift to you is that for one day you can be just as loving and kind as I am, admire me in my hair shirt and wear it with me for one hour’.

This thought that someone might be doing good, unasked for. in my name . Surely if charity is to have any value , I have to do it, and I have to chose what and who I give to – and in some ways not advertise it to all and sundry –( although of course I would like to point out that I do a lot for charidee ….).I think he should send back a card saying I have sacrificed a goat in your name.

I had a very generous and sweet aunty in Ireland , she was pretty skint and she used to send me and my siblings each a card saying “a novena of masses are being said in your name” – to get these masses said she would have had to cough up some of her hard earned money to the Catholic church in Ireland – which is fair enough , covering up paedophile rings doesn’t come cheap after all . Needless to say much as we kids all loved her – this was always the worst present we got .

Take it to it’s logical conclusion – suppose we all get each other goats’ , water pumps, religious indulgences, rain forest sponsorships – well we’ll have just sucked all the fun and joy out of Christmas – we can all sit there in the middle of cold dark British winter with no presents thinking – yes but I’m a better person for it .

Gus Poyet

Poor Gus Poyet – what a way to learn you’ve been sacked ,sat on the pundits sofa during Match Of The Day – I suppose it could have been worse , instead of Mark Chapman delivering the news it could have been the giggling hyperactive Colin Murray informing him whilst cackling away at his own weak jokes – “Well Gus looks like the seagulls have shat on you …” ..etc . Still cruel as it was can’t help thinking it would be fun to see a few more pundits sacked live on air – To see Shearer get the heave-ho live on TV perhaps whilst his fellow pundit Alan Hansen recycles one or two of his 12 stock phrases which he passes of as analysis – As poor Shearer is given his P45 – he could intone “He’s gotta be disappointed with that” “He’s never been a pundit”.

 Osbourne

So as bankers are set for record bonuses and windfalls from the cut in their 50 p tax rate George Osbourne announces that those who have lost their job now need to wait 7 days before they get any money. Excellent news – or at least it is for those payday loan sharks and their 1000 % plus interest rates.

Welcome to the Wonga budget. Who knew that the growth industries which the Tories talk about championing would turn out to be Food Banks and Loan Sharks . Still it wasn’t bad news all round – the Queen has had a pay raise of 5% or 2 million if you prefer it in real green folding terms. How marvelous we can only but cheer as she purchases another racehorse and a local library or sure-start centre closes near you.

Tony Adams

So earlier in the week Tony Adams former England Captain was heard warning Wayne Rooney against moving to a London club – apparently like many a naive youngster , Wayne’s head might be turned by ‘The Bright Lights’ and ‘The Fleshpots’ of London and his football would go down the pan. Now Tony Adams was a good centre half – sort of big and good at heading the ball.

Mr Adams then had his problems with alcoholism and has now, happily recovered from them, but he’s still not the brightest is he. Why is it that when somebody in the public eye was once a drunk or addict and is now no-longer a drunk or an addict , certain portions of the media seem to think that suddenly makes them an expert on life.

Laughably it was the old ‘The Bright Lights Of London’ stuff wheeled out , having lived in and been regularly visiting London now for over 30 years – what are these Bright Lights- do they mean Neon signs and street lights ? and as for the ‘Fleshpots’ what are those exactly – do they mean brothels – if so even the dullest of places in the UK have got knocking shops.

It always implies some sort of moral weakness on the part of a northern footballer that he can’t resist the allure of street lamps and knocking shops in London. A London which incidentally virtually shuts by midnight at weekends and you can’t get a drink on a week night in a pub after 11pm.Share This!

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